[NOTE: Over the next few days (weeks?) I intend to post -- in bite-sized increments -- some thoughts on the subject of love and loving that arose out of a series delivered nearly five years ago. A friend who benefitted from that series (a series in which I was also wonderfully assisted by others) recently suggested that it might be beneficial to have it in an easily-accessible form. I hope their judgment is validated.
Of all the things that vex and delight, no thing so enthralls, so entrances, or so mesmerizes as does love. Love is alternately the gate to "heavenly delight" or "hellish misery", to the path of joy or endless sorrow. May every good and pure-hearted lover everywhere be blessed and encouraged by the things s/he reads here. --Ol' Suit]

Some Thoughts on The Nature of Love & Lovers           

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.
-Kahlil Gibran,
[The Prophet: 'On Love' ]

Three Stages of Ol Suit.

I awoke this morning with the subject of what love is and what it does dancing in my thoughts. Preparing for the six-part series on love, romance, and the family has – no doubt – contributed to this. But, in fact, for nearly all of my life…certainly as far back as I can remember…the subject of love has been a major intellectual interest of mine. Now, by “love” I do not wish you to think I mean merely husband-wife love nor even parent-child love. It seems to me that love is actually at the center of all human relationships (or ought to be!)…although, as C. S. Lewis has pointed out in his unrivaled book on the subject[1] …there are various kinds of love and each of these has a great many different dimensions.The three baser or lower kinds of love (no less from God when exercised properly…but capable of being demonized in ways to which the highest form of love, agape, is immune) depend upon the motive and purpose of the lover in order to determine whether they are essentially good or evil.  Yet, much of our focus will be on what is commonly called companionate love.

            Perhaps it would be best to use Lewis’s philosophic “grid” – his definitions for the four loves – to picture them now. I beg you to understand that the following definitions will be my version of Lewis’s descriptions of the four loves. I also plead guilty, in advance, to the charge of over-simplifying each of the following terms. But, for the sake of time and ease of comprehension, I will accept the danger inherent in such an act. 

Borrowing from C. S. Lewis

            1. Storge (STOR-gay) Also called “need-love”, it is the first love of which we are capable as it precedes most intellectual thought or rational ability. It is the love a child has for the mother who tenderly cares for its needs…satisfying its hungers, restoring its sanitary condition, and providing warmth and shelter. It has its basis in what the other offers, in what needs of mine the other can fulfill. This is always an element of genuine love but it must not be the only or major element. 

The Four Loves - Storge, Eros, Philia, Agape.

            2. Eros (AIR-os) The physical love of lovers. It is centered in the union of the bodies of man and woman, husband and wife. It must also be quickly pointed out that this love is love no less than the others…but that it involves a much more complete sharing of the body with one another than is generally thought. This is no momentary race for personal pleasure but a genuine giving of one’s self (and one’s ability to pleasure) to the other…to the marriage partner. It should be emphatically stated that God-designed eros extends beyond the few minutes of passionate exercise on into the area of touching and caresses, speech & language, the loving gaze, and other “physical” indications of love that must be sprinkled throughout each day. 

Sweet Passionate Love.

            3. Phileo (phi-LAY-oh) A ‘brotherly love’ (as in Philadelphia…the “city of brotherly love”.) This is deep friendship love, humanitarian love, (think philanthropy), and human compassion. In its richest, fullest form it is exemplified by those who commit to others on the basis of some fraternal bond. Real friendships are almost wholly made of this and will seek to do good to the other for as long as they can. Phileo would say, (as John Wesley once said),

“Do all the good you can,
To all the people you can,
For as long as you can.” 

            4. Finally, we come to the love which transforms all the other loves and lifts them from the low stage of mere personal and human enjoyment up to where they become the companions of the will of God and the servants of every good. I speak, of course, of agape (uh-GOP-ay or uh-guh-PAY) …that love which most nearly describes the selfless love God has for even the most fallen of His creatures.

            This is love that gives and does not tally the cost. It forgives and does not record the offense. It rejoices in the joys of others without taking notice of whether it has received the same blessing or not. It is good, and clean, and kind, and gentle, and enduringly persistent! 

(to be continued)

PART ONE
HERE

PART TWO
HERE

PART THREE 
HERE

PART FOUR
HERE

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[1] ‘The Four Loves’