Date: February 11, 2001 AM
Text: Genesis 24:1-67 [Read, as this account forms the basis of our study.]
Theme: Love / Family
Three Stages of Ol Suit.
Marriage is desirable.
But, remember this: A good marriage is the fountain of a thousand joys, a bad one, is the fetid cesspool of ten thousand heartaches!
STATISTICS
Across all ages and races, Americans who live alone die at a much higher rate even when taking all other factors into account. For example, single men in the under 65 age group have considerably higher mortality rates for a number of diseases than their married counterparts. Their death rate is twice as high for lung cancer and strokes, three times as high for diseases related to hypertension, and seven times higher for cirrhosis of the liver.
BUT… a bad marriage can depress the body’s immune system. Unhappily married women have subnormal levels of white blood cells (which destroy infections) and increased virus activity. Other immune system depressants: Stress and loneliness. [1] So this is an important subject for our study.
In our lesson today, we will discover several helps for choosing the right mate for life. These few criteria will, if studied and followed, provide some guidance for those who are or will be contemplating marriage…guidance that may spare many a heartache down the road.
Isaac and Rebekah are good examples of how God can bless a marriage that is based upon right principles. One form of the Marriage Ceremony recognizes their example and marital happiness with these words of prayer:
‘O Eternal God, Creator and Preserver of all mankind, Giver of all spiritual grace, the Author of everlasting life, send Thy blessing upon these Thy servants, this man and this woman, whom we bless now in Thy name; that as Isaac and Rebekah lived faithfully together, so these persons may surely perform and keep the vow and covenant made between them this hour and may ever remain in love and peace together, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.’
I. The Place to Start.
A. The Wisdom of your Parents.
1. You need to know that Christian parents really do have your best interests at heart. Listen to them!
a. There is a time in nearly every one of our lives when we begin to test the authority of our parents.
i. Some of this is due to the change in chemistry that young bodies go through. This change may manifest itself in restlessness, or feelings of resentment. There may also be feelings and thoughts of romance and/or of a sexual nature… and a strong need to be appreciated and accepted by one’s peers.
ii. These feelings are natural… a normal part of growing up and developing our own personality. Every one of your elders has experienced the same emotions.
iii. The important thing to remember is that our Heavenly Father wants us to enjoy every good thing life has to offer… in its proper time. Therefore, self-discipline should become a part of our life as we mature.
(a). This is what the Apostle Paul wrote to Timothy in 2 Timothy 2:22 “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (NIV)
(b). “Flee the evil, pursue the good!”
b. Isaac respected his father’s advice.
i. This is an illustration of what it means to “Honor your father and your mother…”
ii. Isaac could have rebelled. But if he had, his life would have changed forever. Think of this:
(a). Rebellion would have put a strain in the relationship between his father and himself.
(b). He would not have had the assurance that God sanctioned his marriage through his parent’s blessing.
(c ). And, he would have suffered economic hardship.
(d). Together, these would have had some considerable effect upon his relationship with his wife, Rebekah.
c. Your parents are God’s representatives to help guide you past life’s pitfalls. They are the friends and not the enemies of your happiness.
II. What to Look for in a mate.
A. Good Manners
1. Rebekah was considerate of the needs of others. (vs. 18)
B. Industrious Spirit
1. Rebekah not only gave Abraham’s servant a drink of water, but also watered the camels, as well. (vs. 19)
a. This is no small feat. Ten camels can drink a total of 200 gallons of water between them! (Think of it! 40 trips w/ 5 gallons of water each trip!) This leads us to the next feature that is desirable in a mate:
C. Good Health / Physical Fitness
1. For the reasons already mentioned, we may assume that Rebekah was not an invalid.
D. A Sense of Personal Responsibility
1. Rebekah was drawing water for her household, (doing her chores), when she met Abraham’s servant. (vs. 15)
E. Moral Purity
1. Rebekah was a virgin. (vs. 16)
a. This may seem to be an old fashioned concept, but God’s Word and Man’s experience show us that it bears directly upon the trust and success of a marriage.
F. A Good Relationship with their parents and family.
1. This was demonstrated by both Rebekah and Isaac.
a. Rebekah was obedient to the will of her family.
b. Isaac was submissive to his father.
2. Often, when a person cannot get along with their family members, the same problems will arise in their marriage…with tragic results.
3. P.S. This applies to those of us who marry in our riper years, too!
G. Financial Security
1. The servant brought tokens of Isaac’s ability to take care of his wife. (vs. 22, 47, 53)
2. Don’t underestimate this! Family counselors and Psychologists suggest that many of the stresses of married life, have their roots in money problems.
H. True Spirituality
1. Isaac demonstrated a deep faith and thoughtfulness. (vs. 63)
a. This is especially important where the man is concerned. As priest of his home, if he is not in close contact with God, the home and family cannot help but suffer.
b. Someone has said, “Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.” [2] In spiritual matters, this is of enormous importance.
c. The Word of God still commands us “not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers” and if you think that commandment has expired or lost its urgency, you’re just kidding yourself!
I. Modesty of Dress and Behavior
1. Rebekah was conforming to the highest standards of modesty in her society and time when she, seeing Isaac approach, covered herself with a veil. (vs. 65b)
a. Modesty says two things about a person: First, that they are morally pure; and, Second, that they are faithful to their mate or their betrothed.
b. It is of such a woman, the “virtuous woman” that Proverbs 31:11 speaks saying, “Her husband has full confidence in her.”
J. Physical Appeal – “Don’t marry an ugly person!”
1. Rebekah was “beautiful to behold.” (vs. 16)
a. Yes. This, too, is important!! Nobody wants to marry an ugly person! Granted, one man’s (or woman’s) thoughts on what is physically attractive is different from another, but the old saying is true that “on their wedding day, there are no ugly brides!”
Maybe you heard about the guy who fell in love with an opera singer. He hardly knew her, since his only view of the singer was through binoculars – from the third balcony. But he was convinced he could live “happily ever after” married to a voice like that. He scarcely noticed she was considerably older than himself. Nor did he care that she walked with a limp. Her mezzo-soprano voice would take them through whatever dark nights might come. After a whirlwind romance and a hurry-up ceremony, they were off for their honeymoon together.
She began to prepare for their first night together. As he watched, his chin dropped to his chest. She plucked out her glass eye and plopped it into a container on the nightstand. She pulled off her wig, removed fourteen layers of paint and make-up, ripped off her false eyelashes, yanked out her dentures, unstrapped her artificial leg, and smiled a gummy grin at him as she slipped off the glasses that hid her hearing aids. Stunned and horrified, he gasped, “For goodness sake….sing, baby, SING!” [3]
III. The Final Important Details.
A. Make this a constant subject of prayer!
1. Over and over we see prayers being offered for God’s guidance in the search for a suitable mate for both Isaac and Rebekah. If ever there is a time to be sure that you know what God wants for your life, it is at the time when you choose your life partner!
2. For, in truth, you are choosing happiness or sorrow; life or death.
B. Obtain the blessing of both families.
1. Abraham gave his blessing to Isaac in sending his servant, under God’s direction, to find a wife for his son.
2. Rebekah obtained her family’s blessing (in vs. 60) before she left to meet Isaac.
a. As a pastor who endeavors to follow the teachings of the Bible in ministry as in life, (and, in addition to three months of pre-marital counseling), I require a statement of blessing from both the bride’s and the groom’s family before I perform a wedding. And this is not something that I ask only of the young, but those of all ages. If the families are not supportive of the marriage, there is little chance for it to succeed. When differences arise, the unsupportive members generally do not act to strengthen the marriage, but rather weaken it. Every marriage deserves a good foundation built upon the mutual good wishes of the extended family.
C. The man must “leave” his mother and father and cleave to (entwine himself or mould his life around) his wife.
1. This is the command of God in Genesis 2:24, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
a. Notice that Isaac took Rebekah into his mother’s tent. (vs. 67) This is symbolic of the fact that his affection and care for Rebekah would supercede that which he had had for his mother.
D. Where’s the romance?????
1. I don’t want anyone of you to go away and say that old preacher Stanley doesn’t believe in romance or love. That’s simply not true. However, the love that endures is one that is patterned after the pure, eternal, unconditional love of God.
2. BUT, it is significant that the word “love” is not mentioned until the end of our story. The love, which Isaac had for Rebekah, was grounded in an appreciation of all of the qualities that had led to their union. Theirs was a love borne out of a pattern of right choices and enlightened guidance. It is this kind of union that God can fully bless.
3. Peter Marshall, former chaplain of the U.S. Senate said, “We are souls living in bodies. Therefore when we really fall in love, it isn’t just physical attraction. If it is just that, it won’t last. Ideally, it’s also spiritual attraction. God has opened our eyes and let us see into someone’s soul. We have fallen in love with the inner person, the person who is going to live forever. That’s why God is the greatest asset to romance. He thought it up in the first place. Include him in every part of your marriage, and he will lift it above the level of the mundane to something rare and beautiful and lasting.”
[1] (Janet Kiecolt-Glaser)
[2] (Antoine De Saint-Exupery)
[3] (Charles Swindoll, “Strike the Original Match”)
Good advice, but it sounds like you are saying that God only intends for good-looking, healthy people to get married.
Ol’ Suit sez. . .
That would be an unfortunate reading of my post and one I hope will be avoided. Thanks for the caution.
By: Martin LaBar on August 16, 2009
at 5:08 am